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Birthday Gig Funtimes. [Jan. 29th, 2009|08:37 pm]
james anthony
[music |go sailor]

The Second Hand Marching Band, 5th Feb, Oran MorCollapse )
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(no subject) [Aug. 29th, 2008|03:17 pm]
james anthony
[music |francoise hardy - comment te dire adieu]

Friday Joke

"Confessions of an Irish boy."

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'.

The priest asks, 'Is that you, Dicky?'

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.'

'Well, Dicky, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Mary Walsh?'

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Brown?'

'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Margaret Doyle?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Anne O' Neil?'

'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Catherine O' Toole, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped Dicky, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'

Dicky walks back to his pew, and his friend Tommy slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'

'Four months' holiday and five good leads'.
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Hello, I am your local Conservative and Unionist Party candidate and I am here to help you. [Jul. 16th, 2008|05:28 pm]
james anthony
[music |v.a. sarah records - glass arcade]

Ring Ring

"Hello, can I speak to a Mister Ronnie Cocozza please?"
"Sorry, he's currently out at the moment."
"Can I ask which member of the household I am speaking to?"
"That would be James Anthony."
"Hello Mister Cocozza, it's just to say that I am phoning on behalf of Davena Rankin, your Conversative candidate for the forthcoming by-election. May I ask whether you will be voting in the election?"
"Are there any issues relating to your constituency which you would like to be raised over the next few weeks?"
"Have you made up your mind who you will be voting for?"
"Not presently".
"May I ask who you voted for in the last General Election?"
"Yes, the Scottish Socialist Party."
"(pause) Oh. And who will the rest of your party be voting for? Labour?"
"No, they all vote for different parties."
"I see. Well Mister Cocozza, thank you for your time. Goodbye."
"Any time, cheerio."
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Annual Eurovision Entry [May. 24th, 2008|08:29 pm]
james anthony
[music |eurovision.]

Who's watching? Check the Bosnia and Herzogovinian entry! As Terry himself said, "four knitting brides of frankenstein and a loony with a clothesline".
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Fan obituary. [Dec. 29th, 2007|06:39 pm]
james anthony
[mood |no no no.]

R.I.P. Phil O'Donnell (March 25, 1972 - December 29, 2007).

If there was ever a name associated with 'injury prone', it was Phil O'Donnell of Motherwell, Celtic, Sheffield Wednesday and latterly Motherwell, a fellow Celtic fan who 'lived the dream'. He tragically passed away this evening after having a seizure on the pitch towards the end of Motherwell's home encounter against Dundee United.

I recall sitting in Firhill stadium all those years ago, O'Donnell on the back of my Celtic jersey, when you scored that screamer on your debut against Partick Thistle, and it seems like a lifetime away now. God bless you Phil, you were a hero to a young boy.

You'll Never Walk Alone.

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(no subject) [Dec. 14th, 2007|10:53 pm]
james anthony
[music |the bats - daddy's highway]

Friday joke

A man walks into a bar with a trout under his arm and walks straight up to the barman.

"Do you have any fishcakes?", he asks the barman.

"FISHCAKES?!", responds the barman.

"Shhh!", says the man in a whisper, pointing at the fish.

"It's his birthday".
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Hogmanay [Dec. 13th, 2007|03:26 pm]
james anthony
[mood |f'ing busy.]
[music |khaya]

As above. What are everyone's plans? There must be something worth doing, somewhere worth going?
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(no subject) [Nov. 9th, 2007|04:07 pm]
james anthony
[music |trembling blue stars - her handwriting on finely pressed vinyl]

When was the last time you were propositioned? I was propositioned by a hooker in Glasgow's red light district this week on my way to the pub.

"Wantin' business, sweetheart?"
"No thank you."
"I'm sure, thank you"

I can't be sure she was a prostitute, for all I know she may have been a freelance lawyer, albeit a freelance lawyer wearing six inch heels and a red dress five sizes too small for her ample figure.

Friday joke:

The spark had been lost in a husband's marriage, so he was trying to think of a way to rekindle it. One night he came from work, and found his wife asleep in bed. Considering what to do in this situation, he proceeded to get under the covers and go down on his wife, and soon she began to gently squirm and moan in pleasure. After a few minutes, her body spasmed with ecstasy as she climaxed. Afterwards, the man went straight to the bathroom to brush his teeth. When he got there, the light was on and he saw his wife there shaving her legs. "What are you doing in here?!?", he exclaimed. "Shhhh!," said his wife, pointing at the bed.

"You'll wake your mother".
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It's a field day! [Oct. 5th, 2007|01:39 pm]
james anthony
[mood |scoffin'.]
[music |billy bragg - talking with the taxman about poetry]

Friday Joke

Dida's Top Ten?

Elvis Costello and the Attractions - 'I Can't Stand Up For Falling Down'
MC Hammer - 'Cant Touch This'
Nirvana - 'Dive'
The Fall - 'Touch Sensitive'
Beastie Boys - 'Putting Shame In Your Game'
Genesis - 'Invisible Touch'
The Bee Gees - 'I Started A Joke'
The Jesus and Mary Chain - 'You Trip Me Up'
Madness - 'Embarrassment'
Elton John - 'I'm A Dirty Cheating Play-Acting Brazillian Wanker'

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(no subject) [Sep. 23rd, 2007|11:59 am]
james anthony
[mood |v. satisfied.]
[music |ultrasound - everything picture]

This morning I ran the St Andrews Hospice 10k in a respectable time of fifty minutes and twenty seconds; considering I've had a cold for the past week which has inhibited my breathing, stopped any physical preparation whatsoever and cost me about four hours sleep last night, I'm pretty pleased with that.
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